CASE STUDY
#867-B: “Karl-Heinz”, male aged
26 of medium build, exhibited symptoms of split-personality disorder,
manifested through his attitude toward the relationship between his
iPod and FM radio. Under normal conditions, Karl-Heinz happily used an
FM transmitter to listen to his iPod through an FM radio. Tests
indicated no anomalies of perspiration, cognition, bowel function, or
hair growth at these moments.
When subject’s attention was
drawn to the fact that the iPod itself contained no FM tuner of its
own, he immediately grew agitated and sweaty. Temporary hair growth
increased significantly on the subject’s face and the backs of his
hands (and those are only the parts that modesty permitted us to
observe). Subject referred to himself during these periods as
“Gunther”. The longer he remained in this state, the more aggressive
and animalistic subject became, until he presented a clear danger to
the Institute’s staff. Orderlies were forced to subdue subject through
forceful use of a cast-iron boot remover we had laying around.
Initially considered a lost case, subject’s situation was considerably ameliorated by judicious application of the Kensington
FM
Tuner/Transmitter
for iPod. This apparatus functions with any dockable iPod, permitting
either transmission to an FM radio, or reception of FM radio signals.
Episodes involving the “Gunther” identity virtually ceased.
However, subject developed an obsession with the idea that one could use two iPods equipped with Kensington
FM
Tuner/Transmitters
to play MP3s from one iPod through another, or to transmit FM radio
from one to another. Eventually subject spent up to 16 hours per day
muttering about this infinite iPod Mobius strip, making thousands of
pages of handwritten notes complete with diagrams and illustrations. He
ceased using the bathroom, bathing, or watching anything on TV except
According To Jim
.
Our conclusion was that his mind had been shattered by the endless loop
of possibilities presented by this dual-iPod, dual-transmitter
scenario. But it’s not like he was in great shape to begin with. All in
all, we consider our intervention a success.